Australian Kombucha Reviews
Melbourne-based Guardian (UK) newspaper columnist Jess Ho, a person with “take-no-prisoners opinions on the hospitality industry” recently published a taste-test of seven Australian kombucha brands.
These reviews are in stark contrast to those of kombucha connoisseur Susanna Danieli, a skilled and thoughtful sommelier who has proven capable over the course of 270 reviews of having a deep appreciation of kombucha. In contrast, this reviewer–despite having been a home brewer–seems to delight in taking cheap shots at kombucha in general, and glosses over key facts. For example, low-scoring Nexba is called out for being sugar free, while ignoring Remedy’s “No Sugar” label. The claim that “I also know that when you are drinking real kombucha…100mL is enough” isn’t true for many of us who enjoy many times that amount daily.
Kombucha lover?
The reviews are prefaced with a complaint that:
..the after-effects of taste-testing seven kombuchas in a row. My body has never felt more uncomfortable, tied up and messed around. It felt as if I was under attack by the bajillion organic bacteria that are supposed to be great for gut health.
You know what? Your gut can have too much health.
then notes that “all kombucha looks like carbonated pee.”
It’s as if the the Guardian replaced reviews by wine writer Fiona Beckett with someone whose idea of a sophisticated drink is Tizer and Iron-Bru.
Rankings
Best overall
Good Brew Pineapple and Coconut Kombucha, $4.50 for 330mL. Score: 9/10
“the smell,…was not great – it was overwhelmingly coconutty, which made me think of scented sunscreens and tanning sprays.” There is an appreciation of “gentle beading (bubbles) in the secondary fermentation gave this a great mouthfeel. The balance between sweetness and vinegared tartness was also the best of the bunch.” [So, an SPF-30 brand.]
Best value
Remedy Organic Kombucha Ginger Lemon, $4.30 for 330mL. Score: 7/10
“… particularly impressed with the prominent spice from the ginger, which not only made this an interesting flavour in the lineup, but made me think that using it as a mixer would not go awry. The carbonation is gentle, so on the scale of effervescence it’s a bit like drinking post-mix soft drink.” [Tizer, Iron-Bru, or Bundaberg?]
And the rest
Lo Bros Yuzu Lemonade, $4.65 for 330ml Score: 7/10
“they packaged it in a dark bottle. The colour is exactly like urine after having a double espresso” [or just dehydrated?] Nevertheless, “this is probably the best kombucha for people who want the benefits of kombucha, but hate the tart flavour. It’s labelled as lemonade because it drinks like it.”
Two Boys Brew Real Kombucha Ginger and Lemon Myrtle, $5 for 330mL Score: 5/10
“There is no delicate way to put this. As soon as I sniffed this, I turned to the photographer and said, “This will not be good for my poops.” My stomach flipped right after I took a sip. Ultimately, it tasted of nothing. It was just flat and mild. So many ingredients, such little taste.” [Next, a trip to the dunny.]
Jiva Pomegranate Kombucha, $5.50 for 330mL ($1.67 per 100mL) Score: 5/10
“It’s more like when you water down fruit drink for a toddler to make sure they don’t go crazy from all the sugar, while the smell reminded me of another diluted product: diluted developer when processing film, similar to watered-down white vinegar. It was thin on the palate, with gentle effervescence. Inoffensive in a forgettable way, like your friend’s new boyfriend.” [Who might not remember the days before digital cameras.]
Good Culture Society Mango Passionfruit Kombucha, [An Aldi white label brand] $5.99 for 4 x 250mL cans Score: 3/10
“It came off the shelf (rather than from the fridge), which was a red flag. It tasted like the carbonation wasn’t achieved through a secondary ferment but rather from the addition of carbonated water. Flavour-wise, it was like a recreation of a memory of kombucha. It also somehow dried my mouth out entirely from drinking it. How can a beverage be so wet and so dry at the same time?” [Ah ah! The sub-editor spotted a column title.]
Nexba Naturally Sugar Free Apple, Pear and Ginger Kombucha, $4.99 for 1L Score: 3/10
“With this brew, you get what you pay for – not much. It was a dead giveaway that this was “kombucha”, in quotation marks, because it was stored on the shelf rather than the fridge at the grocer, while also claiming it was sugar-free (fermentation requires sugar to, well, ferment), and is flavoured with sweeteners. As soon as I opened this, I pulled my head back in shock from the assault of fake pear and saccharine bubblegum sweetness trapped in my nostrils. It was thin on the palate with light carbonation, and the acidic finish was likely due to the addition of citric acid, which I felt in my molars.” [Which makes it all the more astounding that their website claims “our kombucha is traditionally slow-brewed with real oolong tea leaves and millions (and we do mean MILLIONS) of probiotics to bring you a naturally delicious, sugar free refreshment that gives all the good gut feels.”]
For more kombucha reviews see:
https://www.boochnews.com/2019/10/18/kombucha-reviewers/
https://www.boochnews.com/2024/11/05/the-kombucha-connoisseur/
https://www.boochnews.com/2024/10/13/kombucha-conundrums-with-jo-webster-and-caroline-gilmartin/
Disclaimer
The views and opinions expressed in these reviews are solely those of the author. These views and opinions do not necessarily represent those of this publication.
